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28 March 2010 @ 03:04 am
You  
Title: You [2/2]
Author: bamboobranch
Pairing: Massu x ???
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone mentioned in this fic, though the plot is mine ^^
Summary: One night Massu went to a club and he met someone that he will never forget...
A/N: Inspired by 'Bambina'. I agree that this song is r-rated but different from 'Ai no matador', somehow i feel this song is more of comforting than enjoyment. ^^

Chapter 1

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I tried to say something but nothing came out from my mouth. Really, nothing seemed to be right no matter how hard searched through my collection of words. Therefore I just looked at you wordlessly. At this point, all sort of questions were running through my head. What had happened to you? Who did this? How was the living you have been living up until now?

"I'm sorry." You said as you hurriedly get off the bed.

Only when I felt the weight of the bed suddenly decreased, did I realize what you were going to do next. I grabbed your wrist, and took you back.

"I'm ugly right?" With a small voice as if a whisper, you said. "You should have never turned the light on." That sounded so sarcastic.

I don't know if it's a good or a bad thing that I had in fact turned on the light. Maybe we were only mean to be together in the darkness. Once you came out, nothing will be the same anymore. But in some corner of my heart, I was happy that I had done it. For now I could see clearly your skin and body. Your face. I looked at all those dark purple marks on your body. Without caring the true meaning of those, for me at this moment, they were so beautiful, just like you. I stared at them. And unconsciously, placed my kiss on them. I didn't really understand how I felt. Maybe it was just a desire to have some contact with your body. The body with all the wounds and scars. Even if it was not as beautiful in physical standard as I had image in the dark, it was real. And therefore, I though it was much more beautiful. I wanted to cherish it.

"Don't..." You weakly said. "It's not worth."

"You're beautiful." As I continued kissing those visible marks on your trembling chest, I felt a drop liquid on my face. You were crying.

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We spent the rest of that night sleeping in each other arms, like two hurting puppies, with you and your own pain which I didn't know. Once again I hoped that you would stay. But as the morning came and when I opened my eyes, you'd gone. I didn't feel much disappointed like last time still couldn't help but feel useless. You'd gone which meant that I couldn't do anything for you.

I looked out through the window. Outside was so bright it gave you the kind of refreshing feeling after a long dark night, like you were reborn. I loved the morning light. I loved the warm air the sun brought to this earth. My life has been easy and happy like that, I didn't know of the dark and coldness of the night. Or at least, I thought I didn't. But now once I sat at this table having breakfast, I started to feel lonely.

I never cared enough to feel lonely before. It was not a feeling you just suddenly felt out of the blue one day. Especially since you had used to it. Alone from the moment you wake up, go to work chatting and smiling with everybody you meet on the way, go home alone, eating alone and go to bed alone. Maybe I'm not a social thing. I feel secured living in my world and that was enough. I didn't have to care or worried about anybody. Without those thing, my life was light and happy. People always said I was happy and they envied with the smile never left on my face. I also thought it was true. There was no reason for me not to smile. I loved doing it. But just now, I realized something they didn't know. I didn't have anyone to care and worry about me either. That's the price you have to pay for living a comfortable life like that.

But at some degree, being alone all the time made it not a problem anymore. I never really felt I was lonely. Until this morning, when I sat there and wished there was someone else here with me to say good morning. Sometimes the need to have someone said good morning and goodnight to you was so simple but so hard to fulfill. And maybe that's why I couldn't forget about you.

Everything about you was so vague. I didn't know anything about you but I thought you also felt lonely as I did. And maybe that's why I couldn't help but kept on searching for you. Because we were all lonely, because I was yearning for the warmth and the touch of human, even though it was just for one night. To feel need and being need.

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And you taught me how to care.

Few days after the day you disappeared, at night, it was raining really hard. I was sitting on my couch reading through something magazine randomly, just wait until it was late enough to go to sleep. I had nothing to do. Quite a boring life.

There a knocking at my door. I was quite surprised since I didn't know anyone who would come to visit me at this hour. I opened the door and there you were. Standing in front of me, wet like a rat and crying, wounded.

"Oh my god, come in. What happened?" I hurriedly pulled you inside. "You just walking under the rain like that?"

You collapsed right at the moment you stepped into my room. Without a word, your body was lifelessly moved as I held you and took you in and placed you sit on the couch.

"Here, towel and clothes. You get change. I'll get you a cup of hot milk." I tried my best to say those thing calmly as I could. But in fact I was panicked. I've never had anything like that happened in my life before. And I have no idea how I should react. I walked in to the living room again. You had change and had stopped crying now. I handed you the cup. You held it and murmured something sounded like a thanks.

I didn't know what to do. What was the right thing to say to you? What should I do? Saying things like "Don't worry it will be alright" or "I'll help you" is the typical thing to do. But I couldn't say that. Because I know those words weren't true. I didn't know what happened to you so I couldn't just say it will be alright when in fact maybe it will never be. Instead, I just softly touched your hand and embraced your shoulder. Once again you broke down in my arms, buried your face on my neck and cried.

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You had fallen asleep after crying so hard. I laid you down on the couch, put a blanket over your shoulder, took the cup to the kitchen to washed. After finished, I came back to the living room and looked at you.

It was the first time I saw you falling asleep. If I didn't know, I would have though that you were an angel with that face. But I guessed if you were, then it must be a shattered angel. I went to turn off the light, came back to the couch held your small hand, and laid my head next to yours.

"I love him." A small voice whispered.

"Hum?"

"I love him so much I didn't care if he hurts me. But I can't bear it when he didn't need me."

"Love?" I squeezed your hand in mine. "I don't know exactly what love is but if it hurts you so much I don't think that love is right."

"You don't know. I need him. I'm lonely. I need to be loved."

I placed a kiss on your hand. I thought I fully understood what you meant at that time. I needed to be loved too. Just like anybody else. Because we're human after all. But in my minds, I still believed that just to have somebody next to you, it was not love.

I held your hand tightly and closed my eyes.

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Next morning you weren't there again. But I still felt your warmth in my hand. Last night was the first time we didn't have sex when we saw each other. And somehow I was more happy about that. As if we had some real connection, that we came to each other not just because of sexual frustration.

I didn't expect to see you again so soon. The night after, you came again.

I opened the door, and when saw you, I was expected something intense in behavior. But you just softly asked me once you had standing in the living room.

"Can you make love to me?"

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And so we were on our bed. Clothes scattered around. And the light was on.

There was no hurry this time. I slowly moved my fingers along all the lines on your face. I traced along your lips, your eyes, your nose, your ears, your jaw. I wanted to remember exactly where they were placed. For I may never have any other chance to do that again. And I was afraid that I will forget how all those lines formed up your face. I was afraid that I will forget you.

"Don't stare at me like that. It's embarrassed." You whispered.

I smiled, but kept doing as I want. I gently placed my lips on each part of your face. I wanted to make sure I left nothing untouched, even if it was just one inch of your skin. I slowly crawled down. And I started to kissed every inch of your body. Your neck, colar bone, chest. I sucked on those nipples. You moaned. I heard it. The first time. I heard your emotion.

I carefully kissed on those bruises and scars on your body. I didn't want you to be hurt, but I wanted you to be able to feel how I love your body, how beautiful I thought it was. I kissed down your arm, your hand, your fingers.

That ring was getting in my way. Again.

I was about to took it off, when you suddenly snatched your hand away from mine. "This ring. He gave me. Told me I was his as long as I had this on." Your voice was trembled.

I kissed your lips and your eyes. You closed them. I whispered into your ear. "Take it off." And you loosened your hand. I entwined my fingers between yours and slowly take the ring off your finger. I knew at that moment, something had changed.

I moved down on your body. Made sure to fill it with my kisses. I touched down there. You left out a moan. How funny when this was not the first time we did this but this was the first time I saw and was able to touched it. And it's more beautiful than I thought. I tried to cherished it as gently as I could. Made sure to hear every sound you made and see every little change on your face that can show me how your feel.

"Take me now, please." You begged. You didn't need to. I moved over and tried to reach for the drawer next to my bed. You stopped my hand. "No need. Just take me as I am." And you kissed my fingers, sucked them. I understood what you meant.

Obviously it hurt you a lot. The moment I put in, I saw you closed your eyes tight and your fingers dig into my back. I was a bit happy since I could share a bit of your pain now. Even though I knew it was nothing compared to your pain.You bite your lips like you didn't want to make any sound. "It's alright, tell me how you feel." I whispered. And pushed more into you.

"It hurts." You screamed. And your tears fell down your cheek. I didn't know if it was because of me me that you hurt or you were screaming and crying for your life. I kissed on your tears. Hoped that I can kiss them away.

The rhythm was finally set. We moved as if we had known how to do it for our whole life and were born just to do this. "Touch me please." You said while gasping for air.

"I will make you feel more."

My hand moved along with our bodies. Skin on skin, bathed in sweat and lost in the humid heat of the night.

"I... I.. can't..." You didn't even need to say and I knew. Because at that moment I was set off also.

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"Didn't it hurt?" I asked as we laid on our bed.

"It did." You said. "But I want it. This is the first time I feel loved even when it hurt." You slightly moved and put your hand on my chest. "I used to intentionally search for the pain when I had sex with others, just because with that I won't have to feel the pain in my heart again. I need to feel I'm wanted. Sometimes I feel I'm really dirty. I have sex with random people just to hear them say they love me, they want me for a moment. Because know he, he will never need me. I can't live being unwanted. I need someone. I'm sorry." Tears started to fall down your cheek again.

"No, don't sorry. You're not dirty. You're just lonely." I stroked your hair. I knew what exactly that mean.

"I was weak. I need to feel loved."

"But do you?"

You didn't say anythig. I kissed your eyelid. And we went into the sleep just like that.

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I woke up on my bed alone again. I already let go of the hope that you would be here when the morning came. And I finally came to convince myself that we were only meant to be together in the darkness. Once I stepped out from beyond the dark, you would fade away. And left no trace for me to remind of. I emotionlessly walked out of my bedroom.

You were standing by the big window.

How come?

You turned your head around and looked at me. "Good morning." You said.

I'd never seen you in the daylight. And you were shining.

"I made breakfast for you." You said and pointed to the table.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why are you still here?"

"I can't?"

"No, no, I mean, everytime, you always left before I wake up."

"Maybe I started to change."

While we were eating, I noticed a thing. "You put the ring on again?"

"Uh huh."

"So?" I asked.

You looked at the ring for a while. "I still don't know yet. It might take a while for me to understand what I really want and need."

I looked down and started to eat again. I didn't know what to say anymore.

"But you know, after last night, I started to think I can still be loved without him."

That was the best breakfast in my life. Two of us, eating without saying anything more. But I felt peaceful.

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Sunday morning, while I was cleaning I heard my doorbell rang. I opened and to my utmost surprise, you were there. It was not because you came to see me. But because you came to see me in the morning. It had never happened before. You only came to me around midnight.

You smiled.

This was the first time I saw you smiled. You held up your hand next to your face and showed the back of it to me. The ring has gone. I smiled too.

"Can I come in?"

"As if you'd never force your way in." I laughed and opened the door widely. You stepped in and sat on the couch.

"What do you want to drink?"

"It's okay. I come here to talk to you." You smiled again. I couldn't helped but thinking how cute you were when you smiled. Much more than when you did not.

"Go on."

"I threw away the ring already." You didn't say but I knew what that meant.

"It's good, isn't it?"

"More than I've ever thought. Even though there was some sadness, but after all, I just felt relived . It was like, I was reborn." I could tell you looked so refreshing and bright now. "I want to thank you."

"I didn't do anything." I shocked my head. "It's you. You're strong enough."

"I was right that night."

"Which night?"

"The night when I came to you at that club. I didn't know you but I thought you were not that kind of guy. So I just followed my instinct and came to you. And it turned out I was right."

"Lucky you." I laughed.

"You know," You gently touched my cheek and came closer, softly kissed my lips. That was the purest kissed ever. "I'm moving."

I couldn't believed in my ears. I didn't understand. "Where?" I could just manage to speak out that word.

"I didn't know yet. But I want to leave this place and start a new life again." Your forehead touched mine when we both looking downward. "Goodbye."

And you walked out of that door. I stood still.

When I woke back to reality. I ran out to the balcony of my room and looked down hopelessly, wishing that you didn't go that fast. There was your small figure across silent road. There was no one else but you. I shouted as loud as I could.

"Hey!"

You looked up and stared at me confusedly.

"What's your full name?"

"Tegoshi Yuya." You shouted back from down there.

"I'm Masuda Takahisa. And I think that I love you." I shouted one more time.

You smiled a fullest smile ever, waved at me and turned your back.

At that moment, I understood one thing: you don't need someone next to you to feel being loved. I might never see you in my life again. Just four nights and a few words. But I had learned to care.

And because of that I will never forget you.

END

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A/N:
Wow, finally finish after more than 2 years!

I know the ending won't satisfied someone. But that's how I planned it from the started. I just want to play with the idea of two lonely souls finding each other and realize the purest feeling of love, whether your a weak stray cat striving for attention or a prisoner imprisoned in his own soul too long that you didn't know that you're lonely anymore.

Well, I'm not sure if u can feel that through my writing or not though. I may kind of fail :D
 
 
 
Melissa: tegomass eres mio♥meli_29 on March 28th, 2010 01:20 am (UTC)
;______________;
waaaa
such a great story!
you really made it so well
sad, nostalgic
and beautiful and bright...
;________________; but I wanted Massu and Tesshi together *cries*

wow, this- this... ;_; I need a sequel or my soul woudn't live in peace
;_; thank you♥
BAMBOObamboobranch on March 28th, 2010 06:56 am (UTC)
thank you &hearts

ah, i guess everybody wants them to be together
after all, tegomasu is all about fluffy and happy~ XDDD

maybe a sequel? let's see how it goes...
Melissa: tegomass citameli_29 on March 28th, 2010 01:11 pm (UTC)
yes please♥
but your ending was amazing. I mean, if you wanted to made us feel the loniless and that, you did xDD. Your final's wow~
but yes :) tegomassu is about fluffy and happiness xD
try~ please? ;_;

thank you again♥
kataomikataomi on March 28th, 2010 01:49 am (UTC)
That was so fine ....a touchfull fiction .....Really sad and all...I liked it ....That is just so sad that they are not together at the end :( ...I feel sad for Massu .....even if he seem to not care about it ...and find it ok because he find somethings while that ....I feel that Massu was used :( Poor him....Poor Tesshi ! I was so sad when Tesshi leaved :( ...I'm so emotional XD lol.
I want a happy ending sequel lol XD

Thanks for writing !!! ^^
BAMBOObamboobranch on March 28th, 2010 07:04 am (UTC)
but i think it's a happy ending :D

ok... maybe not too happy, but at least they know each others' name now XDD

i don't think that massu thought he was used though, after all, tego was just like a dream in his life

a sequel, i can't promise though... but let's see...
probably my sequel will end up like this one too XDDDD
kataomikataomi on March 28th, 2010 10:14 am (UTC)
Happy yes ...in a certain way ....but ...not in the other lol XD ... In the Tegomasu way XD lol.

Tesshi will not be abble to stop seeing Massu anyway lol....Massu is so addictive ...XD lol.
Abi_chanabi_chan on March 28th, 2010 08:43 pm (UTC)
uh come on -_-"

what is this -_-"

yeah well i liked " I'm Masuda Takahisa. And I think that I love you"

but ,, as u said be4

i`m still TToTT

;______________________________________;
BAMBOObamboobranch on March 28th, 2010 08:47 pm (UTC)
lalala~